I feel like I moved to Minnesota to embrace the cold, quite literally. The wind is chilling, I am jobless, which means I am ‘super’ poor because I don’t make my own money. I reside with my cousins, who are very kind to me, they do not pass for ego inflated people living in the US and by providing me with a place to stay do not proclaim it as a huge favor on my behalf. However I feel like a captive, I loose my freedom to be myself and it makes me sad, what makes me even sadder is the feeling of helplessness. I have no power over it and it drives me insane. I hate the complexities that come with being dependant. Well I guess I am just that, and every time I try to get out, it bounces off the wall and hits right back. Come to think of it, (this is when extreme optimism takes over) if I were ever to be completely dependant/broke after making it, then I will already know how it feels because I have already been there and experienced it .. I terribly miss being around a good friend, someone I can talk with about everything under the sun without being judged and just be myself.
I have befriended my 7 year old cousin who can now account for my best friend of sorts. I am now literate in the ways of an American kid upbringing, which I have to admit, is depressing. They loose the luxury of innocence too early and compensate it with the luxury of choice. My tv habits have taken a dramatic u-turn. I am retrieving and becoming young (in the head) mentally in that aspect. I now know the impact that Curious George (who supposedly is a monkey who is extremely curious) has on a 7 year old. I don’t underestimate the word girl series either, its impact is evident, the need to ‘spell correctly’ answers why my miniature size grown up (in the head) brother aces his spelling quiz every week. What I personally fail to comprehend is why do they use a monkey as a hero in every child educational/learning related show? I guess watching a monkey ever so often does something magical and marvelous to a kids memory??, I will just assume they came up with some kind of hypothesis for that and then eventually proved it. Please let it be true, If not it would kill me inside. Else I will have to resort to Google and look for a mental institution in the premises where I can admit myself voluntarily, because I recall giving my cousin (unknowingly) a monkey keychain the summer of 2007 to which he responded with a gleeful smile and I know he was thinking ‘oh its curious George, he must be real and magical for certain’…YIKES!!
Another drastic change that has taken over is with the color yellow. If I were to listen to coldplay’s ‘yellow’ I would promptly think and visualize a walking, talking, very intelligent yellow sponge. Yes, anything that is yellow now manifests itself as SpongeBob. I am appalled by the genius idea to symbolize a yellow sponge as a focal character for instrumental learning, WTF? However I have to admit I am a little evil bcoz I secretly love my deteriorating thinking process. I owe it to my in capable brain power to misinterpret a talking cheese with legs for spongebob and point it aloud only to inevitably find my little brother go furious, its almost like he has some copyright issues with me and would happily take me to court for it.LOL.. And seriously, George and Bob, do they really have to give them such lame names? It’s just so ehhhh… name racist! After an evening of tv session, a ritual for all weekdays I quickly come back to my room and surf the internet to keep myself sane and watch real tv in my Hp because the flat screen HD tv only knows two channels , one that shows; ‘the wannabe smart monkey’ and the other ; ‘I know my spellings’ channel also with a monkey that looks just like the other monkey, (only a little shorter) from the first channel.
I have made a huge discovery about myself in this period of time ,,,, I will be a terrible parent because I don’t have much patience with kids. I don’t mean to come off as rude and mean but there are numerous times in a single day I just want to keep my lil cousin in an hour of ‘time out’ session. I just think the kids here get away with far too many things and are given an incentive for disrespect.
I began writing this post with something else in my mind and ended up writing a really unrelated one completely differing from the subject. I guess this one was long pending too and my subconscious mind took over. I hope to write more and I have promised myself that I will vent in writing with no fear of being judged and no tedious attempt at fancy words, maybe I should just get back to the old fashioned way and dig out my diary and pen. AHH… it does have a lot of blank pages and I don’t have any shortage of pens. Will think about it!
